So, things have been hard for me the past couple of weeks. Obviously, if you read my last post. Those feelings that I had discussed there are something that I struggle with every single day. Some days are worse than others (for example, cloudy days). All in all, it's a struggle to get up out of the bed sometimes. Even when I am not going through a break up.
It is so hard to get out of the deep, moldy, damp pit of depression. I think the hardest thing about it is that I am the only one who can pull myself out of the pit. Don't misunderstand me. My friends help me so much when I am feeling down. But, unless I reach out, many of my friends don't know how much I am struggling with something. It's not their fault. They aren't mind readers, and besides, they have a lot of things on their plate too. It's my tears and prayers and time made for scripture study that helps me.
If we continue with the pit metaphor then friends are like roots or tree branches that are in the sides or near the pit. If you put your whole weight on the roots or branches in an effort to pull yourself out, the branch or root will snap and you will fall flat on your back. Friends are not meant to hold the whole weight of your burden. The relationship will crumble and you will suffer everything all over again, maybe worse, because you had hope that they could help. What we need to do is make footholds for ourselves in the walls of the pit. We need to have things that we can grasp firmly while we put our whole heart and soul into getting out of the pit.
It takes a lot of work to get out. It might require some outside help, not necessarily your friends, but doctors, counselors, medication. This route of professional help should be taken before friends are depended on, because if you can't change yourself then no one can change you, and it's unfair to expect them to change you.
In fact, realizing you might need medication to get out of the pit could be the first foot holds you make for yourself. Going to the doctor could be the second. The doctor will do an assessment of your emotional state in hopes of finding the correct medicine sooner. The doctor should tell you that finding the correct medication for you can take some time. Also, seeing the effects of the medicine can take a while. Sometimes it takes as short as two weeks before you feel the effects of the medicine. Other times it can take as long as twelve weeks. Many people don't find something that works right away. Please be patient with yourself and with your doctor as the two of you work together to find what works best for you. For me, it took trying a number of medications, deciding I wasn't that depressed and I could manage it on my own, then getting back on a whole slew of different stuff before going back to something I had already tried.
***NEVER EVER QUIT YOUR ANTIDEPRESSANTS COLD TURKEY!!!!!***** That is the worst thing you could do for your brain. There are terrible side effects of doing that. Talk to your doctor before you decide to quit your medicine. For more information please visit this website.
Now, as you do these things it might be a good idea to try new things to see if you can find something else that will whet your interest. Because, well, why the heck not!! You only live once. So, go skydiving, learn to ski, write a blog, sign up at a gym, run a marathon. Do anything and everything.
While you are doing these fun things take your friends with you, as a thank you for sticking with you through the darkness. Both of you will bond and it will be glorious. Everyone loves to get rewarded for putting up with other peoples depressing bullsh**. Your friends weren't meant to hold the whole weight of your depression, but they can help you in other ways. They can help cheer you up, but not solve your problems for you. No one wants to be around a Debbie Downer all the time. Talk to your counselor about your depression, try to be supportive of your friends and the things they are going through.
Above all, remember the surest way through depression is by holding the hand of the Savior. We must remember that He has descended below all things and He can help us, even in our darkest hour. (see here for reference) I know that is true because one day I was sitting in my dorm room, a while ago, contemplating my life, thinking about the point of it. I thought about how easy it would be to end it and then I thought about my Savior. As the prophet Alma perfectly describes "And, now, behold, when I thought of this I could remember my pains no more". The feelings of loneliness and worthlessness evaporated. It helped long enough that I did not commit suicide. And that has made all the difference.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Depression
When my depression hits things go awry. My desire to work out totally goes out the window, my relationship with my boyfriend suffers/gets severed because I get super insecure about EVERYTHING. My home becomes a hot mess. I stop wearing make up. I just. Stop. Caring. Even the job that I absolutely love becomes a burden more than a joy. It really sucks.
I don't think there is anything more annoying than when you don't realize you are having a depressive episode and everything starts bothering you and you feel super insecure and everything just feels like it's coming undone. That feeling that everything is snowballing out of control and you don't know where you stand is probably the most frustrating feeling to ever have. Because you don't know what other people are thinking about you and you just want to know. You want to know how they feel about you. You also want to know how everything seems out of place.
You basically start stalking your significant other because you don't know what they are doing, what they're feeling, or thinking because even though they're talking to you, you feel like they're not talking to you. Then you have a huge fight because you just wanted them to connect with you, and they decide that they don't want you anymore.
From there the bed becomes superglue. You have no adhesive remover. Stuck. Tears stream down your face because everything just seems so dark and uninviting. It would just be easier to stay in bed. No one has to know anything. No one has to know that you are sad and you don't know why.
No one has to know anything. You have become a pretty good actor through out your life. Covering the tragedy of depression with the comedy mask. You have become so good at it that you can almost convince yourself that everything really is fine and you aren't really sad. Then, when you are alone, the inscrutable sadness hits your chest like a pile of bricks. You just don't know what to do. There is no one to entertain but yourself and you can't keep that charade up, even if you wanted to, because you expended all of your energy when you entertained others.
You don't even have enough strength in you to finish this blog.
I don't think there is anything more annoying than when you don't realize you are having a depressive episode and everything starts bothering you and you feel super insecure and everything just feels like it's coming undone. That feeling that everything is snowballing out of control and you don't know where you stand is probably the most frustrating feeling to ever have. Because you don't know what other people are thinking about you and you just want to know. You want to know how they feel about you. You also want to know how everything seems out of place.
You basically start stalking your significant other because you don't know what they are doing, what they're feeling, or thinking because even though they're talking to you, you feel like they're not talking to you. Then you have a huge fight because you just wanted them to connect with you, and they decide that they don't want you anymore.
From there the bed becomes superglue. You have no adhesive remover. Stuck. Tears stream down your face because everything just seems so dark and uninviting. It would just be easier to stay in bed. No one has to know anything. No one has to know that you are sad and you don't know why.
No one has to know anything. You have become a pretty good actor through out your life. Covering the tragedy of depression with the comedy mask. You have become so good at it that you can almost convince yourself that everything really is fine and you aren't really sad. Then, when you are alone, the inscrutable sadness hits your chest like a pile of bricks. You just don't know what to do. There is no one to entertain but yourself and you can't keep that charade up, even if you wanted to, because you expended all of your energy when you entertained others.
You don't even have enough strength in you to finish this blog.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Cardio & Doctor's visit
So, yesterday I went to the gym with Rebecca. It. Was. Awesome. We walked and ran on the treadmill. It was beautiful. We talked, we laughed, in a nearly empty gym, and then ten o'clock hit and people came in. We were on the very last two treadmills away from the door and we had planned to do a mile on the treadmill and then two miles on the elliptical, but when the people came in they used all of the elliptical machines but two non adjacent machines. One of the elliptical machines was next to a treadmill and the guy on the treadmill was sneezing. When I say sneezing, I mean sneezing. You know, the really gross kind. Anyway, neither one of us were going to be around that since we have been sick. So, we left. She ended up doing a mile and a half and I did a mile. She walked until I was done. That was super nice of her. If places were swapped I would have left my butt there.
I also went to the doctor today. I was told that my blood sugar was a little high for fasting (it was 100) and of course that I was overweight. So, she gave me some medicine that should help me lose weight and help prevent diabetes.
Monday, January 12, 2015
So, I have slacked a little...
Rebecca and I have decided that working out every single day was a bit of an overkill. Especially given the physical state that we are in at the moment. So, we have revamped the goal of everyday to workout at least 3 days a week. That feels more doable. Then as we get in the habit of working out 3 days a week, we will increase the number of days per week by one until we arrive at seven again.
I have been slacking in my blogging because, well, to be straight up honest, I totally forgot to do it the other day. Sorry.
We worked on chest and arms on Thursday. We used all of the machines in the gym for arms and chest. I tried not to push too hard because I had to work on Friday. Since I have to have my arms for my job, I decided I didn't want to be crazy sore. But, I pumped out all three sets of everything we did. It felt great. I had already played volleyball a couple of hours earlier and I was not feeling the walking thing. I got on the treadmill and my calves became instant fire. I guess I need to start stretching more...or you know...at all. So, in order to compromise, Rebecca told me that if I can complete a half a mile on the tread mill before she completed a mile on the elliptical then we could be done. So, I pushed that baby all the way up to speed 5 (which is as fast as I can go at the moment) and I pumped my little legs as fast as they would go until I knew I could stop and walk again and still beat her mile. And I did. I beat her! She said something like "Oh, look at you getting motivated!" and "Wow, you really don't want to do those three miles do you?" The answer to both of those was I am done. I wanted to eat, sleep and not be at the gym anymore. You know what they say...."Its not your legs giving out, it's your head giving up", and that my friends is exactly what happened.
I have been slacking in my blogging because, well, to be straight up honest, I totally forgot to do it the other day. Sorry.
We worked on chest and arms on Thursday. We used all of the machines in the gym for arms and chest. I tried not to push too hard because I had to work on Friday. Since I have to have my arms for my job, I decided I didn't want to be crazy sore. But, I pumped out all three sets of everything we did. It felt great. I had already played volleyball a couple of hours earlier and I was not feeling the walking thing. I got on the treadmill and my calves became instant fire. I guess I need to start stretching more...or you know...at all. So, in order to compromise, Rebecca told me that if I can complete a half a mile on the tread mill before she completed a mile on the elliptical then we could be done. So, I pushed that baby all the way up to speed 5 (which is as fast as I can go at the moment) and I pumped my little legs as fast as they would go until I knew I could stop and walk again and still beat her mile. And I did. I beat her! She said something like "Oh, look at you getting motivated!" and "Wow, you really don't want to do those three miles do you?" The answer to both of those was I am done. I wanted to eat, sleep and not be at the gym anymore. You know what they say...."Its not your legs giving out, it's your head giving up", and that my friends is exactly what happened.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Cardio Day
So, today I got a massage. (Don't freak out or get all jealous because it's totally a medical massage so I can keep working) My masseuse always tells me that I can't lift weights for 12-24 hours after a massage because I can undo what he did. Really, I don't want to go through all of the pain that he puts me through for nothing.
Therefore, today was a cardio day. Rebecca and I did 3 miles on the elliptical machine. Thankfully we did about the same time. She got done a little quicker than I did and I beat my time from yesterday. It's amazing what happens when you don't knit on the machines.
I can't wait to keep this up and to push myself a little further every day so I can lose the weight. I have been trying to lose this weight for seven years. There was one time I got close and that was when I lived in Illinois. But, since then I have been in school and living the dream of eating pizza and drinking coke every day and gaining all of the weight I had lost plus some.
Then, after all of that, I came home and started working on myself. I lost about ten pounds, but then I started my big girl job where I have to drive a lot. So I gained all that I had lost, plus another ten.
I think this is why I am so angry about my weight, because it feels like no matter what I do I am still getting fatter! It sucks so much to realize after all of the work you put in for months on end can all be undone in just a few short weeks.
Therefore, today was a cardio day. Rebecca and I did 3 miles on the elliptical machine. Thankfully we did about the same time. She got done a little quicker than I did and I beat my time from yesterday. It's amazing what happens when you don't knit on the machines.
I can't wait to keep this up and to push myself a little further every day so I can lose the weight. I have been trying to lose this weight for seven years. There was one time I got close and that was when I lived in Illinois. But, since then I have been in school and living the dream of eating pizza and drinking coke every day and gaining all of the weight I had lost plus some.
Then, after all of that, I came home and started working on myself. I lost about ten pounds, but then I started my big girl job where I have to drive a lot. So I gained all that I had lost, plus another ten.
I think this is why I am so angry about my weight, because it feels like no matter what I do I am still getting fatter! It sucks so much to realize after all of the work you put in for months on end can all be undone in just a few short weeks.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Already "broke" my New Years Resolution...
...But wait...I didn't make resolutions. I made GOALS!! What's the first rule of goals? Set them. Okay, the second rule of goals? Revamp! Every week you are supposed to evaluate your goals and revamp them. See what you did well in and what you did poor in. This past week I did poor in blogging but I did well in moving out of my parents house. So, for that I give myself a pat on the back. I hadn't blogged while I was moving because I didn't have any internet. Now, obviously, I have it.
Also, I am feeling much, much, much better! I don't feel quite up to lifting weights yet, but I decided that I was feeling good enough to go for a walk. So, I did. Three miles later I got off of the elliptical machine and felt wobbly. It was awesome! I felt so accomplished because, since I have started this process of working out, walking three miles has been my ultimate goal. Now I know I can do it and that it takes me about 45 minutes to do it. So, what is going to start happening now is that I will start walking the three miles everyday and I will be working on getting faster at it. So that when I do my 5k I won't be walking any of it. I want to jog/run the whole thing!
I probably could have gone a little faster today but I was trying to knit while I was walking. I know that sounds like no big deal but it was actually kind of difficult. I am not yet one of those knitters who can just knit without looking. Well, that's not entirely true. I was finishing up turning the heel on my sock while I was walking. That is kind of hard especially when you are struggling to find the place to do a twin stich. I almost fell off of the elliptical machine because I nearly lost my balance while looking down to knit. HAHA. Oops. Good thing I didn't fall 'cause that would have been embarrassing!
I can't wait to see the pounds come off of this fat old body. I am considering joining Weight Watchers also, but I am kind of on the fence about it. If anyone has any kind of experience with Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or any of those things, please let me know what your experience was. I like to make informed decisions.
Also, I am feeling much, much, much better! I don't feel quite up to lifting weights yet, but I decided that I was feeling good enough to go for a walk. So, I did. Three miles later I got off of the elliptical machine and felt wobbly. It was awesome! I felt so accomplished because, since I have started this process of working out, walking three miles has been my ultimate goal. Now I know I can do it and that it takes me about 45 minutes to do it. So, what is going to start happening now is that I will start walking the three miles everyday and I will be working on getting faster at it. So that when I do my 5k I won't be walking any of it. I want to jog/run the whole thing!
I probably could have gone a little faster today but I was trying to knit while I was walking. I know that sounds like no big deal but it was actually kind of difficult. I am not yet one of those knitters who can just knit without looking. Well, that's not entirely true. I was finishing up turning the heel on my sock while I was walking. That is kind of hard especially when you are struggling to find the place to do a twin stich. I almost fell off of the elliptical machine because I nearly lost my balance while looking down to knit. HAHA. Oops. Good thing I didn't fall 'cause that would have been embarrassing!
I can't wait to see the pounds come off of this fat old body. I am considering joining Weight Watchers also, but I am kind of on the fence about it. If anyone has any kind of experience with Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or any of those things, please let me know what your experience was. I like to make informed decisions.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Happy NEW Year!
Well, I am still sick and that sucks but my New Years "party" was quiet and nice. I spent time with my boyfriend and my parents. I know, I know, the parents are not everyone's top choices, but they are mine and I really enjoy their company. The older I get the more grateful that I am that they are still here on the earth and that I have the opportunity to enjoy their company as often as I do.
Since I have been sick I haven't been utilizing my fitbit as much as I should be. It's sad. I have only taken about 2,000 steps a day. Terrible. At the same time, I need to rest.
SO, this is the time of year that everyone makes resolutions and by February they will have failed them. Therefore, instead of making resolutions, I am setting goals. Which are kind of the same but people talk about goals all the time, not resolutions. Have you ever noticed that? After the month of January no one talks about resolutions...but every month someone is having a discussion about goals. I digress.
So, my GOALS for 2015 are as follows:
1) Make working out a habit
2) Change my eating style
3) Take a multivitamin everyday
4) Move out of my parents house
5) Run a 5k by Spring/Summer time
6) Write in my blog and personal journal everyday
7) Remember that change happens a little at a time
8) Read the scriptures everyday
9) Complete my Personal Progress
10) Do something crazy! (TBD)
Of course, I also want to perfect an art form, such as photography or painting or sketching...but these new goals are things that I really want to focus on. Art is kind of a hobby for me, like knitting. I focus on hobbies all the time. I can/do always make time for them already. These goals are things that have not been a priority in my life the past couple of years/ever.
However, first things first! I have to get over this sickness, whatever it is before I can start doing some of the things on my list. I am pretty sure this disease is trying to kill me. At least, that is what it feels like. UGH! I gotta go take some medicine!
Since I have been sick I haven't been utilizing my fitbit as much as I should be. It's sad. I have only taken about 2,000 steps a day. Terrible. At the same time, I need to rest.
SO, this is the time of year that everyone makes resolutions and by February they will have failed them. Therefore, instead of making resolutions, I am setting goals. Which are kind of the same but people talk about goals all the time, not resolutions. Have you ever noticed that? After the month of January no one talks about resolutions...but every month someone is having a discussion about goals. I digress.
So, my GOALS for 2015 are as follows:
1) Make working out a habit
2) Change my eating style
3) Take a multivitamin everyday
4) Move out of my parents house
5) Run a 5k by Spring/Summer time
6) Write in my blog and personal journal everyday
7) Remember that change happens a little at a time
8) Read the scriptures everyday
9) Complete my Personal Progress
10) Do something crazy! (TBD)
Of course, I also want to perfect an art form, such as photography or painting or sketching...but these new goals are things that I really want to focus on. Art is kind of a hobby for me, like knitting. I focus on hobbies all the time. I can/do always make time for them already. These goals are things that have not been a priority in my life the past couple of years/ever.
However, first things first! I have to get over this sickness, whatever it is before I can start doing some of the things on my list. I am pretty sure this disease is trying to kill me. At least, that is what it feels like. UGH! I gotta go take some medicine!
Monday, December 29, 2014
Chest and back and sick
Alright, this one is a little late because I am sick. Rebecca has been a little sick but I think I caught what I have from her and got it worse than she did. What had happened was Saturday night Rebecca and I had just finished working out and she went to the bathroom. I was thirsty and didn't want to walk all the way to the water fountain to get a drink, so, I snuck a drink from her water bottle. Did I think about how she had been complaining about being sick the whole time? No. Did I think that drinking after someone is gross? Nah, we are like sisters. The only things we don't share are boys. Did I remember that she had been sniffling or coughing during the hour work out? No, I did not.
So, yesterday, I felt miserable because of the weather plus drinking Rebecca's backwashed germs and decided to take a nap. I napped until 8 o'clock, which was the appointed time for us to get together. Then I was hungry so I ate something a little heavier than I should have. I also had to wake up. Those of you who have lived with me, or who have woken me up, know that waking up for me is not an easy thing to do. I am literally a monster. I mean, I look like one, because of bed head, I sound like one because of sleep voice (you know, how you sound when you first wake up), and I act like one because if you talk to me I might literally (and figuratively) bite your head off. So, anyway, I finally get to the gym and she had already done the entire workout without me, including 10 minutes of cardio on the elliptical. So, she sits there and watches me do them with little to no breaks in between sets and then when it's time for cardio she leaves. I gotta say, I didn't like being there alone.
I feel for her today because she went without me, but I cancelled everything I was supposed to do today so that I could sleep and knit and recoup from this grossness that I am saying I got from Rebecca. I even got homemade chicken noodle soup because I was so pitiful today. Thanks Mom!
What we did yesterday was the following:
Standing V Raise x 12
Airplane/Superman extensions x 15
Bench Dips x 12
Balance Row x 12 (6 per side)
Triceps leg extensions x 10
The whole thing was repeated 3 times.
So, yesterday, I felt miserable because of the weather plus drinking Rebecca's backwashed germs and decided to take a nap. I napped until 8 o'clock, which was the appointed time for us to get together. Then I was hungry so I ate something a little heavier than I should have. I also had to wake up. Those of you who have lived with me, or who have woken me up, know that waking up for me is not an easy thing to do. I am literally a monster. I mean, I look like one, because of bed head, I sound like one because of sleep voice (you know, how you sound when you first wake up), and I act like one because if you talk to me I might literally (and figuratively) bite your head off. So, anyway, I finally get to the gym and she had already done the entire workout without me, including 10 minutes of cardio on the elliptical. So, she sits there and watches me do them with little to no breaks in between sets and then when it's time for cardio she leaves. I gotta say, I didn't like being there alone.
I feel for her today because she went without me, but I cancelled everything I was supposed to do today so that I could sleep and knit and recoup from this grossness that I am saying I got from Rebecca. I even got homemade chicken noodle soup because I was so pitiful today. Thanks Mom!
What we did yesterday was the following:
Standing V Raise x 12
Airplane/Superman extensions x 15
Bench Dips x 12
Balance Row x 12 (6 per side)
Triceps leg extensions x 10
The whole thing was repeated 3 times.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
AHHHH...Leg Day
So, today Rebecca decided that today was going to be a legs and butt day. OH MY GOSH! She totally kicked my butt. Not even joking! We did box steps, curtsy squats with leg lift, prone back extension, alternating leg dead lifts, glute bridge, and plié squat with ball. We did three sets of 12 - 15 reps each. Unlike other people I have seen, we don't do a set, rest, then do another set. What we do is we do all of the first set of each exercise then we do them all again like a circuit. I really like this approach because you forget how much the curtsy squat with leg lift sucks by the time you have to do it again. By the time we were done with all three sets we had been there for an hour and we were both dripping in sweat. I have to say though, when we got on the treadmills to cool down, the endorphins really kicked in and we were both feeling pretty good.
Prior to the endorphins kicking in, it was murder tonight. I mean, I know I'm fat, but I still expect to do things like when I was younger and skinny. For example, my knees used to not hurt, so when I did the curtsy squat with leg lift I didn't think it would hurt that much. Was I wrong? I WAS SO WRONG! I thought my knee cap was just going to jump off the front of my leg and run away. But, as the hour wore on and the third set was approaching, I found that my knee didn't hurt as much as it did the first time. It might be because it knew that in just twelve more repetitions it would not have to do that move again.
My lower back also hates Rebecca lately. When we did those prone back extensions I swear I literally heard my back scream at me to stop. I didn't listen though. I just pushed on through. That's what you do when you work out. You push your body to scream at you to stop then you tell it to shut the h-e-double hockey sticks up and keep going.
After all of this, I stepped on the scale in the gym and to my surprise and bewilderment, I have lost one pound. This is not one pound since Christmas, this is one pound from a week ago, which was the last time I weighed myself. Hallelujah! ONE POUND is gone! Good bye and good riddance pound! I never want to see you again unless you change into currency. ;)
Prior to the endorphins kicking in, it was murder tonight. I mean, I know I'm fat, but I still expect to do things like when I was younger and skinny. For example, my knees used to not hurt, so when I did the curtsy squat with leg lift I didn't think it would hurt that much. Was I wrong? I WAS SO WRONG! I thought my knee cap was just going to jump off the front of my leg and run away. But, as the hour wore on and the third set was approaching, I found that my knee didn't hurt as much as it did the first time. It might be because it knew that in just twelve more repetitions it would not have to do that move again.
My lower back also hates Rebecca lately. When we did those prone back extensions I swear I literally heard my back scream at me to stop. I didn't listen though. I just pushed on through. That's what you do when you work out. You push your body to scream at you to stop then you tell it to shut the h-e-double hockey sticks up and keep going.
After all of this, I stepped on the scale in the gym and to my surprise and bewilderment, I have lost one pound. This is not one pound since Christmas, this is one pound from a week ago, which was the last time I weighed myself. Hallelujah! ONE POUND is gone! Good bye and good riddance pound! I never want to see you again unless you change into currency. ;)
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Happy Boxing Day!
Today was a much more productive day for me than yesterday. Today I bought multivitamins and took almost 10,000 steps. I cleaned my car and went to the gym. I even counted calories. Well, not really, I mean, I didn't count them. My fabulous app called MyFitnessPal did. It's super easy to use. When I eat, I just plug in exactly what I ate and "voila!" it is done! It also syncs with my Fitbit app so I don't have to double count everything. In fact, when you first sync the two, My Fitness Pal says "Only log your food here or I will double count it!! GRRR!!!!" (That was paraphrased into my words.)
I am super grateful I went to the gym. I was starting to not feel it, until my friend Sam tried to talk me out of going, then I realized how much I really needed to go. Also, today I am super grateful for my gym pal Rebecca*. She has been so good at pushing me and encouraging me at the gym. She does a lot for the work outs. I mean she plans them out, writes them down, and she makes sure I do my sets and reps. Also, if there is something that is super hard for me to do right now, she finds me an alternative work out on the spot for me to do in order to keep up with her. For example, at the moment, my wrists hurt from a number of things (my line of work, how I type, driving, etc.) and when I couldn't do the reverse plank anymore she gave me an alternate exercise to do with plié's and stretching.
She also helped me on the treadmill today too. My goal was to walk a mile as fast as I could while still being able to breathe and hold a conversation. However, as the mile wore on my calves felt tight and inflexible, then pain started in my right calf, then the pain inched its way to my shin, then into my foot. At about the halfway mark I didn't know if I could complete the mile because of the physical pain I was in, but she encouraged me saying "When you lose the weight the pain will go away, I know from experience." Then when I had 0.10 left of my mile I picked up speed and started jogging. I was only able to jog for about 0.05 miles, but it's a miracle I was able to jog at all. Especially when I honestly thought I wouldn't complete the mile. But I DID!!
*This is what she will be called in my blog. I don't want you guys to figure out who she really is and then steal her away from me. ;)
I am super grateful I went to the gym. I was starting to not feel it, until my friend Sam tried to talk me out of going, then I realized how much I really needed to go. Also, today I am super grateful for my gym pal Rebecca*. She has been so good at pushing me and encouraging me at the gym. She does a lot for the work outs. I mean she plans them out, writes them down, and she makes sure I do my sets and reps. Also, if there is something that is super hard for me to do right now, she finds me an alternative work out on the spot for me to do in order to keep up with her. For example, at the moment, my wrists hurt from a number of things (my line of work, how I type, driving, etc.) and when I couldn't do the reverse plank anymore she gave me an alternate exercise to do with plié's and stretching.
She also helped me on the treadmill today too. My goal was to walk a mile as fast as I could while still being able to breathe and hold a conversation. However, as the mile wore on my calves felt tight and inflexible, then pain started in my right calf, then the pain inched its way to my shin, then into my foot. At about the halfway mark I didn't know if I could complete the mile because of the physical pain I was in, but she encouraged me saying "When you lose the weight the pain will go away, I know from experience." Then when I had 0.10 left of my mile I picked up speed and started jogging. I was only able to jog for about 0.05 miles, but it's a miracle I was able to jog at all. Especially when I honestly thought I wouldn't complete the mile. But I DID!!
*This is what she will be called in my blog. I don't want you guys to figure out who she really is and then steal her away from me. ;)
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas! This Christmas my wonderful mother got me a Fitbit One. I am super grateful she got it for me. I was given a Fitbit Ultra by my friend MB over the summer, and I lost ten pounds using that plus counting calories and some other things. So, as I am getting ready to make New Years resolutions I am recommitting myself to my physical wellbeing. I have reached an all new high with my weight, 212 lbs. It's kind of depressing. However, things are going to change. I am not just depressed but I am angry. I am making some serious changes this year, but I will wait till New Years to reveal those promises.
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